Struggling To Breastfeed? You’re Not Alone & Advice From Other Mothers
While we’ve previously shared about all the incredible benefits of breastmilk, there’s a really important side of this topic that needs to be talked about: struggling to breastfeed. As natural as breastfeeding is, it’s also just as natural to have a really hard time with it.
In fact, when we reached out to our community to ask you what your first impression of breastfeeding was, we were flooded with answers, and there was a lot of this:
“Hard.” “Hard as sh*t.” "Ouch.” “Idk if I’m doing this right.” “Not as easy as I thought.” “This is never going to work.” “This is not as magical as everyone says.” “Why is this so hard?” “This is a lot more of a mental challenge than a physical one.” “Exhausting.” “I won’t be able to do this.” “This is so demanding.” “This is so frustrating.” “This is harder than having the C-section!” “I thought this would come naturally… HA.”
However, like all aspects of motherhood, breastfeeding is a unique experience for every woman, and we also got a lot of comments like this: “It was such a beautiful bonding experience” and “this is so magical” and “I absolutely loved it”.
And of course, there were a lot of women who felt both the struggle and the joys: “It was so special at first, and then so painful after.” “It’s magical but so time-consuming.” “I love it, but I also find it isolating.” “Sooo painful at first, but then you learn how to do it and it’s just super practical.”
Our takeaway is that the newborn feeding experience is a good foray into the main lesson of parenthood: nobody knows what they’re doing and there is no right way to do it. Sometimes it’s magical and wonderful, sometimes it’s weird and confusing, and other times it’s downright painful and awful. At the end of the day, only you know what it feels like, and only you can make the best decision for yourself and your baby.
Let’s talk about the pressure to breastfeed
While it’s all well and good to remind you that you know your body best, we know that there can be a lot of pressure to breastfeed, whether it’s from medical professionals, friends and family, or even from yourself. A few of our community members reached out to share that struggling to breastfeed (or feeling pressured to do so) led to depression, anxiety, and traumatic experiences that made them never want to try again. If you’re in this place, we want to know we see you and you don’t deserve to feel this way. This is an all-too-common experience for new mothers, and breastfeeding challenges are a major stressor that can contribute to postpartum depression.
Ironically, the pressure for women to breastfeed largely comes from how beneficial it can be for both mother and baby. Breastmilk is without a doubt incredibly nutritious and breastfeeding can be an amazing bonding experience. But let us be the first to remind you that taking care of your own health and wellness is what allows you to be the best mother you can be for your baby. If you are feeling the weight of that pressure in a way that is negatively impacting your own health and happiness, it’s time to make a change.
We want to help you move through to the other side and focus on enjoying your feeding journey with your baby — whatever that looks like. We again turned to our community and asked them to share the most supportive advice they received in their breastfeeding journeys:
11 simple pieces of advice that helped mothers struggling to breastfeed
Combined feeding isn’t failing.
Advocate for yourself and your baby, whatever that looks like.
A happy momma makes a happy baby, do what eases your mind and not just what pleases others.
Take it one day at a time.
Fed is best. Healthy babies are best.
You do you, you’re the best that can be for your baby.
Trust yourself.
As long as your baby is fed, you’re doing well.
Follow your instincts.
Your journey is your own and doesn’t have to match anyone else’s opinion.
You being mentally healthy is more beneficial to your baby than whether you’re breastfeeding or not.
If you’re struggling to breastfeed right now
If you are struggling to breastfeed right now, it doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be able to. It also doesn’t mean it’s something you have to keep trying until it works. We know that breastfeeding — especially struggling to do so — can feel like an incredibly lonely experience. But you are never alone at Baby2Body. We received so many comments on our breastfeeding stories this week on our Instagram, and we encourage you to give us a follow and join our community there. We had 3 lovely women offer to share their own stories here, in hopes that it makes someone out there feel less alone.
Real mothers share their breastfeeding struggles and offer advice:
#1: My baby had a good latch from day one and was a good little feeder (so I thought)
“When my baby was born she came out with the help of a ventouse. I didn’t know this at the time, but when babies are pushed out naturally the mucus in their tummies is squeezed out of them. Coming out via ventouse they come out so fast sometimes there is mucus left in their tummy, which can be uncomfortable for them. My baby had a good latch from day one and was a good little feeder (so I thought).
“Breastfeeding is hard and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but by day 3 my nipples were so sore and cracked and I was so tired from my baby feeding for two hours at a time. I couldn’t work out because of what was happening. So, in pain and in tears, I called the midwife, asking what I was doing wrong, why I was so sore, and why my baby would feed for two hours at a time. She told me that my baby wasn’t actually feeding [the whole time], but was just pacifying on me because she likely had a sore tummy from the mucus. The midwife suggested we use an actual pacifier or a clean finger in her mouth so she could pacify on that, instead. This was game-changing for both my baby and my nipples. The birthing center also had a steam machine that helped heal my cracked nipples and sore skin faster, and the midwife also suggested I use nipple shields for a while. I’m so glad I found all this out early. If I didn’t ask I would have given up pretty quick.”
The takeaway: Don’t be afraid to ask for help early on
#2: I switched to formula and felt my anxieties lift completely
“I had a very bad birth experience and it made it very difficult for my milk to come in. My midwife told me she couldn’t believe I was still breastfeeding when she visited me and actually praised me for it. Unfortunately, my son lost so much weight as he wasn’t getting enough milk. After two weeks of trying, I switched to formula, and the anxieties I had felt lifted completely. I think it’s important to know that either way of feeding your baby — whether formula or breast — is OK. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby. Don’t feel like a failure if you switch or choose formula to begin with. Also, don’t let anyone pressure you into what YOU want to do!”
The takeaway: Follow what feels best to you
#3: I felt like a failure for the first two weeks
“My baby was born with teeth. The doctors misdiagnosed it [as congenital mandibular epulis] and told me that it shouldn’t hurt to nurse. When the teeth came through her gums, it “suddenly” made sense why breastfeeding was so painful, why she couldn’t latch properly, why I was bleeding, and why she was fussing. No one had any remedies. Luckily we found an oral-maxillofacial surgeon who was confident in removing them. She was only two weeks old when this was done.
“Fast forward three months, she has baby teeth poking through in the same spot as she had her natal teeth. Lactation experts blamed me for not holding her properly or feeding her my nipple the right way, when it turns out I just had birthed a little baby shark! I wish the doctors and lactation consultants would’ve considered my guess that they were teeth instead of brushing it off. I felt like a failure for the first two weeks. I had to introduce the bottle so early on because my nips couldn’t take the pain and wouldn’t heal. I wish they would’ve offered more guidance instead of basically telling me to figure it out since I’m doing it wrong. Those teeth came out and breastfeeding became the most enjoyable and easy thing for us to do together.”
The takeaway: Trust your own instincts
Our number one rule here at Baby2Body: you know your body, and your baby, best. Trust that in your feeding journey as well.
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