Postpartum Intimacy: How to Rekindle Things After Having a Baby

Discussing intimacy after having a baby can be a bit of a touchy subject. It may feel embarrassing or disheartening to acknowledge that there is an issue. However, a lot of women experience postpartum intimacy struggles, so you’re not alone if you’re feeling this way. According to research from the National Library of Medicine, emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure drop after giving birth and trends on a slight decline for the first 4.5 years postpartum. But it doesn’t have to stay that way, and this is not something you should have to figure out on your own.

It’s important to know that both partners — not just the mother — can experience postpartum depression, which can affect intimacy with your partner and overall well-being. Some symptoms include fatigue, mood swings, lack of concentration, and more. Making time for intimacy can prove difficult when you’re navigating these symptoms and caring for an infant. However, rekindling things with your partner can play an important role in helping you feel more like yourself.

Before we go into some things you and your partner can try to improve your relationship health, keep in mind that postpartum intimacy encompasses more than just sex. That’s why in today’s post we’re highlighting ways to improve your mental, physical, and emotional bonds with your partner — which are all part of relationship intimacy.

5 steps to rekindle the romance with your partner after baby

1. Nurture your confidence

It’s not a secret that a woman’s body undergoes a lot of changes during and after pregnancy. Things that you may have never experienced before are suddenly your new norm, and your self-esteem can take a hit while you adjust. This can cause intimacy to be the last thing on your mind.

Remember that confidence comes down to how you feel about yourself. One of the best ways to nurture your confidence and boost your self-esteem is to refrain from comparing yourself to others, because that takes the focus away from you and how you feel about yourself. Comparing yourself to others also leads to placing unrealistic and distorted expectations on yourself. You do not have to “snap back” right after pregnancy. You do not have to look put together when you wake up in the morning. You do not have to excel at everything. Nobody can do any of those things on a regular basis, we promise.

Your body is strong, beautiful, and needs time to heal properly after delivering a newborn — honor that stage you are in. Be sure to follow us on Instagram, @baby2bodyofficial, for daily doses of body positivity and how to treat yourself well.

2. Remember that your partner may be struggling with confidence, too

Did you know that expectant dads put on weight during pregnancy, too? Research suggests that men gain around 14 pounds or more during their partner’s pregnancy. You can take this time with your partner to set goals you both want to aim for when it comes to feeling as good as possible in your skin. Having someone with you on your body-loving journey can help motivate you and reduce feelings of loneliness.

3. Go on a baby-free date

As hard as it may be to leave your baby to go on a date, consider trying it. No matter how long you’ve been together, a date can be exciting and refreshing to couples who may have not had a lot of discussion or interactions outside of those regarding their child. If you’re able to organize childcare or get support from family and friends, do take advantage of it.

Dinner out and movie night dates are always good options. But you don’t even have to leave your house! Silence your phone, order takeout or cook a meal together, and relax on the couch with some of your favorite shows. This will give you a break from baby responsibilities, and even one hour of uninterrupted time to focus on each other is a saving grace in relationships.

4. Stay in the foreplay space for as long as you need

Having those one-on-one date nights might lead to more opportunities for physical intimacy, but there is no need to put pressure on moving things to the bedroom just for the sake of it. Most women are cleared for intercourse after their 6-week mark but still don’t feel ready for it. Don’t forget that physical intimacy can take many different forms than penetrative sex, and foreplay can go a long way in reigniting the spark between the two of you.

5. Don’t be afraid to try counseling

As much as you may try tactics to rekindle intimacy, you still might not feel that emotional, mental, and physical connection with your significant other that you want. As mentioned above, postpartum intimacy struggles can last for years without proper help. That’s why it’s important to take preemptive steps. If you find yourself feeling disconnected from your partner despite trying to fix things, look into online counseling options.

Contacting a counselor is the first step for new parents to take back control of their relationship. It means that you acknowledge that there may be problems and that you’re willing to work through them. Working through your issues can help prevent future arguments and general discord by promoting healthy communication with your significant other. This can bring you both closer to one another and strengthen your existing bonds. Productive counseling sessions can help you remember why your partner is your best friend and what brought your baby into this world in the first place.

Ultimately, going to counseling does more than just potentially improve things in your relationship. It can help improve your overall mental and emotional health, allowing you to be the best possible version of yourself for your child. 

Looking for more support on relationship health postpartum? Be sure to join our Facebook group — the Baby2Body Squad — to connect with other mothers in this community.

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